Missing Muse

From August 28, 2011

I don’t sleep much. Lately, I don’t sleep. Have you ever felt like something was creeping up on you? I don’t mean a physical thing, but a change, something that will turn your life inside out.

That’s how I feel now. I wish I had a magic mirror or crystal ball that would give me a glimpse of what’s coming. I feel like I have this countdown clock ticking away in the background of my life and I don’t know if it’s counting down to something bright and beautiful or if it will blow this rickety built little world of mine into so much straw.

The ticking drives me. For some reason I can’t explain, it drives me to build digital worlds in the cloud. I guess I do it because it feels like progress even if it isn’t.

I haven’t been able to write a thing worth keeping. Sometimes I manage to bang out a few lines of a flash story or a poem. They puddle on the page, formless globs refusing to take a shape that will make them shine.

The muse I need is out there. I feel it. It’s as if there is a wall I just have to get past to reach it. I know there is a way. There’s some rope or ladder or magic beanstalk growing seed to get me there. I think that’s the change that is stalking me. I hope it is.

When I try to lay down, I hear it scurrying and scratching, just at the edge of my awareness. Just out of reach.

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This post was written in response to this week’s Sunday Scribblings prompt. Click here to see what others have written or to join the fun yourself.

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